Dear St. Rita Families,
Empathy is a word being tossed around quite a bit these last few weeks, and I would like to ponder it with you for a moment. According to the Oxford online dictionary, empathy is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”[i] As such, empathy is an important human trait, one that enables us to enter into the experiences of others, to understand their point of view and perspective, and to walk with them on the journey of life. We recognize the limitations of certain people who have difficulties empathizing, e.g. someone who is narcissistic or antisocial, or certain persons on the Autism spectrum. And if you pay attention to the pulse of the modern world, empathy has begun to be exalted, to the point where you may think it is the highest virtue.
For example, you may have seen small signs that simply say “Empathy” hung at various places across the DC Metropolitan area (and there is one hanging on the utility pole in front of St. Rita Church!). More recently also, some of the political conversation has zeroed in on the word, with Elon Musk (who has stated publicly that he has Asperger’s Syndrome, which is on the Autism spectrum) commenting that “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy. The empathy exploit”[ii], and others responding about the dangers of equating empathy with weakness. With the volatile nature of the current political situation, it is easy to see how a word, a concept, an ability, that is meant to lead us to unity could become a hot topic for disagreement.
With all this in mind, it is good to consider what role empathy plays in the life of a Catholic Christian. Fortunately for us, the answer is not too complicated. To begin, empathy is a passion or an emotion (in fact, the “pathy” part of empathy has the same root as the word “passion”). Literally, the word means “to feel into/unto”. To empathize with someone is, then, to feel their emotions, to feel what they feel. There is a strong relational aspect to empathy, and on an emotional level, it plays the role of presence, companionship, and understanding, which are such important parts of making earthly life bearable. We all know the comfort and encouragement that comes from having someone who “gets you” and the pain of being misunderstood.
This is the point, however, where the modern practice of empathy often derails. There are two big pitfalls. The first pitfall is to take on the other person’s pain excessively, thinking (perhaps subconsciously) that I can fully relieve their burden by means of my empathy. Spiritually, the problem with doing this is that you start to take the place of Jesus. While we all need friends to help carry our burdens, none of us can carry the burdens of everyone we meet. That would result in overwhelm and burnout. These persons often have big hearts, which themselves need a lot of care from Our Lord in prayer. They should spend time in prayer, conversing with Our Lord about the people they care about. He can relieve the burden from them and can share the burden of those they care about.
The second pitfall is to equate empathy with agreeing with the other’s conclusions. The thought process is this: “If you feel what the other person is feeling, if you understand them truly, you will come to the same conclusions as they do. If you disagree with their conclusions, you clearly must not empathize with them or understand them.” Practically, this happens whenever emotion causes us to be complicit with another’s sin. “Oh, teenagers will do those things.”, or “Love is love.” Hopefully the fallacy here is obvious. No parent, in empathizing with their toddler, would allow them to do something destructive, even though the child’s lack of understanding prevents him from grasping just how destructive his desire would be. Rather, the parent, while understanding just how hard it is for their child, meets the child in their need and redirects them to something good. Sometimes the child screams and cries and rebels, but the parent, knowing what is best, perseveres in redirecting the child to the good. Sadly, the modern world continues to scream and cry and rebel, accusing those who disagree with them of not being empathetic – and therefore, mean.
My petition to you, then, is not to make empathy the highest virtue, whatever you may think about the weaknesses of modern society. Charity is the highest virtue, and empathy should be used to help us get there, but sometimes empathy can hinder charity, too. The truly empathetic person suffers when others suffer. But his suffering cannot lead him to end their suffering via illegitimate means. His suffering cannot make him promote, encourage, or become complicit in sin. To do so would be contradictory, because sin is the first cause of suffering. Empathy leads to charity when our love for the other enables us to suffer with them and for them, and when it enables us to encourage them to do good, even though they suffer (and we suffer watching them suffer). Empathy does not lead to charity when we seek to alleviate suffering through sin.
Christ’s Heart was and is the most sensitive Heart (and the manliest) ever to have lived. He “bore our infirmities” (Is 53:4), and He felt it all intensely. Sharing in our pain, however, did not stop Him from going to the Cross, from drinking the cup of suffering to the dregs.[iii] If it had, where would we be now?
In Christ,
Fr. Christensen
[I] https://www.google.com/search?q=empathy+definition&oq=empathy+definition&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyEQgAEEUYORhGGPkBGLEDGIAEMgcIARAAGIAEMgcIAhAAGIAEMgcIAxAAGIAEMgcIBBAAGIAEMgcIBRAAGIAEMgcIBhAAGIAEMgcIBxAAGIAEMgcICBAAGIAEMgcICRAAGIAE0gEIMjIxNGowajeoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8. Accessed March 14, 2025.
[ii]https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/elon-musk-empathy-quote/. Accessed March 14, 2025.
[iii] Nor did the pain His Mother felt for Him cause Her to hinder His mission (unlike St. Peter, cf. Mt 16:22)